The End of an Era
As the title suggests, something is coming to a close. The fall semester here at Tech.
Actually, it is already over for me. I took my last final exam yesterday at 7:30 am (cruel, right?) And ever since then, I have been a free agent.
Have you ever had the feeling that there's something you are supposed to be doing, but you know there really is nothing on your agenda? That's where I'm at. This past week has just been jam packed full of studying and stressing, and I just can't believe I'm done with it all.
It's been a weird day. Not just because I feel like I should be doing something school-related, but because of the fact that at the end of this week- I won't be back in Lubbock until next fall. That's a long time. Relative to time itself, it is but a minuscule moment but in the eyes of a 21 year old, it seems like a small eternity.
Not that it is a bad thing.
I am exactly ONE MONTH away from calling the MV Explorer my home, and I am getting a little sad about it. I am 100% excited about what adventures are to come and what people will walk into my life, but today I've had to start saying goodbye to some of my dearest friends.
And I know what you're thinking...Sam, you're going to be back in Lubbock in a few months, and you'll be there (for what seems like) forever. While this is true, when I come back, things will be different. So many of my friends will have graduated in May, one being my best friend and another my roommate. Life will just be different. So much will happen here while I'm gone. And so much will happen in my life while I'm away.
I haven't completely wrapped my mind around the fact that this is one of those moments in time where there is a fork in the path I'm on, and I've chosen one that is totally unfamiliar knowing full well what the implications are.
I don't know why I get nervous about new situations with new people when I know from experience that I thrive under those conditions.
This fear of the uncertain has been a hinderance and is keeping me from looking positively at my future experience. Instead, I have focused a lot of my energy on what could go wrong.
What if I don't get along with my roommate? What if I don't get along with anyone and turn into a hermit? What if I get lost in a foreign country? What if I'm not found? What if I don't return? What if my friends here move on? Will I be able to readjust? Will I even want to come back?
Scary stuff, huh?
In the midst of one my episodes where I had let negativity consume me, another feeling came over me- foolishness. I have been absolutely ridiculous.
I began to pray for trust to know that my life is forever in the most capable hands, and that I never forget it and let fear creep back into my mind.
Why on God's green earth do I am I afraid of this adventure? How silly of me to doubt that He would not be present every step of the way. The anxiousness that I have been feeling stems from having a lack of faith in knowing that was God has planned is great- perfect, even. He even chose every single student that will be with me on the ship for a purpose. I'm elated to have already found a large group of believers on my voyage, and we have already planned to meet together and have a regular bible study.
How cool is that? A bunch of strangers, from many walks of life who have grown up in different geological locations are coming together because we are followers of Christ. That alone is powerful enough to melt away any apprehensions I have. Now, do you know what has ultimately dissipated that stress? The ultimate understanding that an almighty God explicitly says this is Genesis 28:15; "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."
Actually, it is already over for me. I took my last final exam yesterday at 7:30 am (cruel, right?) And ever since then, I have been a free agent.
Have you ever had the feeling that there's something you are supposed to be doing, but you know there really is nothing on your agenda? That's where I'm at. This past week has just been jam packed full of studying and stressing, and I just can't believe I'm done with it all.
It's been a weird day. Not just because I feel like I should be doing something school-related, but because of the fact that at the end of this week- I won't be back in Lubbock until next fall. That's a long time. Relative to time itself, it is but a minuscule moment but in the eyes of a 21 year old, it seems like a small eternity.
Not that it is a bad thing.
I am exactly ONE MONTH away from calling the MV Explorer my home, and I am getting a little sad about it. I am 100% excited about what adventures are to come and what people will walk into my life, but today I've had to start saying goodbye to some of my dearest friends.
And I know what you're thinking...Sam, you're going to be back in Lubbock in a few months, and you'll be there (for what seems like) forever. While this is true, when I come back, things will be different. So many of my friends will have graduated in May, one being my best friend and another my roommate. Life will just be different. So much will happen here while I'm gone. And so much will happen in my life while I'm away.
I haven't completely wrapped my mind around the fact that this is one of those moments in time where there is a fork in the path I'm on, and I've chosen one that is totally unfamiliar knowing full well what the implications are.
I don't know why I get nervous about new situations with new people when I know from experience that I thrive under those conditions.
This fear of the uncertain has been a hinderance and is keeping me from looking positively at my future experience. Instead, I have focused a lot of my energy on what could go wrong.
What if I don't get along with my roommate? What if I don't get along with anyone and turn into a hermit? What if I get lost in a foreign country? What if I'm not found? What if I don't return? What if my friends here move on? Will I be able to readjust? Will I even want to come back?
Scary stuff, huh?
In the midst of one my episodes where I had let negativity consume me, another feeling came over me- foolishness. I have been absolutely ridiculous.
I began to pray for trust to know that my life is forever in the most capable hands, and that I never forget it and let fear creep back into my mind.
Why on God's green earth do I am I afraid of this adventure? How silly of me to doubt that He would not be present every step of the way. The anxiousness that I have been feeling stems from having a lack of faith in knowing that was God has planned is great- perfect, even. He even chose every single student that will be with me on the ship for a purpose. I'm elated to have already found a large group of believers on my voyage, and we have already planned to meet together and have a regular bible study.
How cool is that? A bunch of strangers, from many walks of life who have grown up in different geological locations are coming together because we are followers of Christ. That alone is powerful enough to melt away any apprehensions I have. Now, do you know what has ultimately dissipated that stress? The ultimate understanding that an almighty God explicitly says this is Genesis 28:15; "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."
With that kind of assurance, how
can I in my right mind go on being crippled by fear?
Now, I likely will fail at times on this journey. Many times. It is highly probable that I will get lost at some point or another (those who know me, know that I am directionally dyslexic). There is a
good chance I will find myself walking in circles at times wondering which
way to go- but I will find my rest knowing that I do not walk
unaccompanied.
Thanks for stopping by and scrolling through my ramblings.
Things I love about today:
1. Friends so wonderful that saying goodbye is not an easy
task
2. The hope that I will be reunited with them again some
day
3. Celebrations of life
4. New adventures
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